What Women Really Mean

1. "You want" = "You want"
2. "We need" = "I want"
3. "It's your decision..." = "The correct decision should be obvious by now."
4. "Do what you want." = "You'll pay for this later"
5. "We need to talk." = "I need to complain."
6. "Sure... go ahead." = "I don't want you to."
7. "I'm not upset." = "Of course I'm upset, you idiot!"
8. "You're ... so manly." = "You need a shave and you sweat a lot."
9. "You're certainly attentive tonight." = "Is sex all you ever think about?"
10. "No" = "No"
11. "Maybe" = "No"
12. "Yes" = "No"
13. "Be romantic, turn out the lights." = "I think my thighs are flabby."
14. "This kitchen is so inconvenient." = "I want a new house."
15. "I think we need new curtains." = "And carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper..."
16. "I heard a noise." = "I noticed you were almost asleep."
17. "Do you love me?" = "I'm going to ask for something expensive."
18. "How much do you love me?" = "I did something today you're really not going to like."
19. "I'm sorry." = "You'll be sorry."
20. "I'm not yelling!" = "I am yelling because I think this is important."
21. "Do I look fat?" = "Tell me I'm beautiful."
22. "You have to learn to communicate." = "Just agree with me."
23. "I'm not emotional or overreacting!" = "I'm having my period."
24. "Are you listening to me?" = "Too late, you're dead."
25. "I'll be ready in a minute." = "I haven't even chosen what I'm going to wear yet."
26. "I need wedding shoes." = "The other 40 pairs of shoes I have are the wrong shade of white."
27. "Do you like this recipe?" = "It's easy to cook, so you'd better get used to it."
28. "Was that the baby?" = "Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep."
29. "Hang the picture there." = "I don't know where I want the picture, but you better try every place I point."