You Know You're a Teacher If...

• You believe the staff room should have a valium salt lick.
• You find humor in other people's stupidity.
• You want to slap the next person who says, "Must be nice to have all your holidays and summers free."
• You can tell it's a full moon without ever looking outside.
• You believe "shallow gene pool" should have its own box on the report card.
• You believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, the kids sure are mellow today."
• Out in public you feel the urge to talk to strange children and correct their behavior.
• Marking all A's on the report card would make your life SOOOO much simpler.
• You're not talking about a food group when you mention "vegetables."
• You believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
• You encourage obnoxious parents to check into charter schools or home schooling.
• You've ever had your profession slammed by someone who would never, ever DREAM of doing your job.
• You can't have children of your own, because there is NO name you could give a child that wouldn't bring on high blood pressure the moment you heard it.
• You think people should be required to get a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.
• You wonder how some parents ever MANAGED to reproduce.