DEFINITIONS FOR EVERYDAY PARENTS

1. AMNESIA: condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.
2. DUMBWAITER: one who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
3. FAMILY PLANNING: the art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.
4. FEEDBACK: the inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
5. FULL NAME: what you call your child when you're mad at him.
6. GRANDPARENTS: the people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.
7. HEARSAY: what toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
8. IMPREGNABLE: a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
9. INDEPENDENT: how we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.
10. OW: the first word spoken by children with older siblings
11. PRENATAL: when your life was still somewhat your own.
12. PUDDLE: a small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.
13. SHOW OFF: a child who is more talented than yours.
14. STERILIZE: what you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to our last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
15. TOP BUNK: where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.
16. TWO-MINUTE WARNING: when the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
17. VERBAL: able to whine in words
18. WHODUNIT: none of the kids that live in your house.