Appropriate Uses for the UN Flag

by Jefferson Adams of The Idaho Observer

 

It may not have happened in your community yet, but it seems that the UN flag is popping up like mushrooms in cities and towns all over America. And if you understand what mushrooms grow in, the analogy is remarkable appropriate.

Since most of the folks who will read this article probably don't agree with the idea of the UN flag flying above American soil, and since there are an increasing number of them making appearances all over the country, we at The Idaho Observer felt it incumbent upon us to come up with other uses for them; after all, once they are removed from flagpoles you gotta do something with them.

With the help of friends on the Internet we've compiled the following possible uses for the UN flag:

 

  1. Air-sickness bags (put the UN logo inside the bag - no point in making people sick just by seeing the bag)
  2. Artillery reference point - to fire at for effect
  3. Bird cage liner
  4. Burn at patriotic rallies
  5. Candle/lamp wicks
  6. Cat bed liner - to keep the fleas off your good blankie
  7. Cat box liner
  8. Cat scratching post - to wrap around the post and let your cat get its claws into
  9. Chainsaw wipe down rag
  10. Chimney sweep rag
  11. Chimney sweep tarp - to protect your carpet from soot
  12. Compost
  13. Dart board backdrop
  14. Diapers - turned out, not in
  15. Dipstick rag carried under the hood of your vehicle
  16. Dog urine wheel protectors
  17. Doggy chew toy
  18. Dog poop cleaner upper
  19. Doormats - to wipe muddy feet on, at home or place of business
  20. Dryer vent filter/lint catcher
  21. Drop cloth - to use while you are painting and other dirty jobs
  22. Dust rag
  23. Emergency heating fuel - burn in fireplace
  24. Fill material in nuclear waste shipping containers
  25. Filler material in roofing shingles
  26. Fire starter - soak in kerosene
  27. Food - to cram down the throats of crooked politicians, lawyers, and judges
  28. Food wrapper - to wrap spoiled food in; especially good for rotten fish parts
  29. Garage - if your car has oil leaks, you should have one under it to keep garage clean
  30. Garbage can liner
  31. Gun cleaning rags, sold at gun shows
  32. Gutter rag
  33. Handkerchief - use to blow your nose on
  34. Ink blotter
  35. Insoles
  36. Kitchen towel - to clean up all the grease and grime & keep your other towels clean
  37. Mops
  38. Mud flaps
  39. Nuclear waste filler - put in nuclear waste containers
  40. On the floor under junior's high chair for food droppings
  41. Outhouse wallpaper - tack up on the outhouse walls (could be used for TP later)
  42. Outhouse wipes (use with caution, may cause rash)
  43. Overalls - put them on the seat of your bib overalls
  44. Paint brush cleaning rag - to clean up all your old paint brushes with
  45. Paint filter - use to strain your old paint with
  46. Panty hose laundry bag - tie up your panty hose in them when you wash them
  47. Print them on rolls of toilet paper
  48. Puppy house-training - Scotchgard coated for repeated use
  49. Put it in a jar of urine and call it art
  50. Road patch - place flag in pothole, pour tar generously, pack down
  51. Shoe polish rag
  52. Shop rags
  53. Targets - add numbers to the lines of latitude and you've got an excellent range target
  54. Temporary gas cap
  55. Test acids on
  56. Toilet seat liner - drape over the toilet seat for sanitation reasons; flush after use
  57. Trench liner - to line slit trenches with
  58. Under grandpa's spittoon

 

The above list is by no means complete. We invite our readers to contact The Idaho Observer at (208) 777-7888, FAX (208) 777-2032 or email us with more wonderfully American uses for the UN flag, to be printed in a future edition of The Idaho Observer.